At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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