You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
