I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
