he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
