Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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