I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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