I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
