I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
