Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize