You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
