genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He has the fingertips of a God
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