it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
