I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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