can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
