I love black thongs
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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