did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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