if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
