a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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