Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
