It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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