the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
