A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
