what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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