I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
