I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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