she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Randomize
