i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
