Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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