im drinking this country out of the recession.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
