Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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