Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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