Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
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