shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
