....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
