5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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