I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
