Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
