Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
