i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
