You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
