I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
