today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
