There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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