If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
