Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This house was built for laser tag.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
