yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
