too bad you live with your parents still
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
