Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
