Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I party with great urgency now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
