i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
