I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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