do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
