I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
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