his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
