He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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