I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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