I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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