..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
