woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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