Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
