Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
