question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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