Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
