u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
