what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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