U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
