physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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