I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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