I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
