dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
