Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
