I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
