she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
