i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The Olympian is in my bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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