tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
