soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
