Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
