OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
