I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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