if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize