wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
