everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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