I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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