You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
