Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
